From Geek to Chic
by N.V.9
Summary: Deidara and Haku are the biggest geeks in the school, who, like everyone else, are crushing on two of the hottest guys of the school, Itachi and Hidan. And with help from Deidara's bad boy cousin, they may just get their guys.
1. Chapter 1

**1**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

"And do you Deidara Yamanaka take Itachi Uchiha as your lawful wedded husband?"

"I do." Deidara said with all the love he held in his heart. In front of him, Itachi smiled with joy as he squeezed his fingers gently. His husband to be was beautiful. His raven locks falling to the middle of his back, silky enough to be sinful. His eyes, dark and mysterious, where the only answer was the love he held for the blonde. How Deidara had waited for this day. Since the first time he had seen Itachi in person, as children, he had been in love. He knew right away that Itachi was his. They were destined to be one. Two souls torn apart and force to find one another again. They were-

"You do what?"

"What?" Deidara frowned when Itachi's spoke, his words not sounding like the velvet dark chocolate that he knew from his memory.

"I asked, you do what?" Haku said, slowly replacing Itachi's image with his own, his eyes full of confusion behind his thick rimmed glasses. Just like that, the fantasy was gone. Good-bye love of my life in the perfect tux and hello best friend of my life in fellow geek apparel. From the stiff tan slacks to the plaid button up t-shirts and shiny shoes. His hair done up in a messy bun and, much like Deidara, the front pocket of his shirt holding pens and a calculater. And also much like Deidara, carrying a bulky bag with all of ther assignments from three weeks in advance in every class.

"Haku you ruined my fantasy." Deidara pouted, watching Haku take his normal seat beside him, in the front right corner of the room. Since both liked to be early to class, this being their last year and all, both wanted to make sure they kept perfect attendence and stayed away from bullies. Although, now that his cousin, Naruto, transferred to the school and being a fellow senior, the bullying kind of shimmered down to zich. Having the bad boy in the school as a relative had its advantages. One being: no more being forced into lockers. "I was just going to kiss Itachi."

"In the first date fantasy?" Haku asked, grabbing his book from his bag.

"No the marriage fantasy." Deidara sighed, looking out the window and spotting the love of his life walking toward the school with two other people, and rivals for Itachi's heart. "I had just said I do and we were about to kiss."

"I'm sorry." Haku said, sounding genuine. "If it helps any, I had a dream about Hidan, and we were going all the way."

"No!" Deidara gasped as Haku blushed and nodded. A grin appearing on his face.

"Yes! Then stupid Zabuza woke me up when he started screaming and banging on my door at five this morning."

"I hate your brother. He's just a jerk. You'd think once he got out of highschool, two years ago, he'd want to expand his education and go to college."

"My Uncle is trying, but so far Zabuza thinks he still has a chance in making it big as a rock star."

"Rock star..." Deidara scrunched up his nose in distaste.

"Not." they finished together, laughing as they always did.

"Do you think our fantasies will ever be real?" Deidara whispered when Sasori sensei entered drinking his cup of coffee, that both Haku and himself knew was filled with questionable stuff.

"No," Haku pouted, crossing his arms and resting his head upon them. "We are at the back of the pack. There are too many beautiful people in this school that we have to compete with. Not to mention when we go off to college... I don't even want to think about it. I mean when Naruto moved here two months ago, we might have had a chance until he started dating Itachi's little brother a week after he got here. With him out of the market, as quickly as he appeared, everyone pretty much stayed where they were. We'd have to do a drastic change or something amazing for them to notice us."

"That's it!"

"Deidara, not so loud, I haven't finished my coffee." Sasori grumbled as he sat down and guzzled more of the lukewarm liquid.

"Sorry Sensei." Deidara said before turning to Haku. "We are going to do something amazing."

"What do you mean?" Haku frowned, pushing up his thick glasses with his index finger.

"We are doing a make-over.!" Deidara whispered excitedly. "We aren't getting them as we are now. So we have to be something even more amazing then before!"

"How? We've tried make-overs, remember?" Haku said, "We have come to the conclusion that perms do not belong on either of us and that neither of us know how to pluck eyebrows...oh and that we know nothing about make-up and Ino laughed at us when she saw us." Haku finished with an embarrased flush at the reminder of Deidara's younger sister, by two years, walking in on them when they tried the make-over the first, and only, time. Taking pictures of them and putting them on facebook.

"Well, we'll get help this time." Deidara said as he killed Ino over and over in his mind. "If Ino can be popular, then why can't we?"

"Because we are the biggest geeks of the school." Haku reminded him. "We are beyond brain dead when it comes to what's cool or new, in case you've forgotten."

"Okay, that is all true...but what do we do best?"

"Study?"

"Exactly!"

"Deidara, please!" Sasori sensei said again.

"Sorry." Deidara answered sheepishly before, once again, turning to Haku. "We just need to study being cool."

"I don't g-"

"And who is the best person, that we know and won't shove us in our lockers, to study?"

"Ummmm, I give up."

"Naruto!" at the glare from Sasori sensei, Deidara mimed zipping his lips and throwing away the key.

"Why would Naruto help us?"

"First, he's my cousin. Second, he's my cousin. And third, he's my cousin." Deidara said.

"But how are we going to ask him? He's always with Sasuke or with the popular kids."

"We have to weed him out and we'll do it at lunch. Trust me on this."

"Everytime you say those four words, things go bad." Haku whispered fearfully.

"Haku, he's going to help us. He'll say yes."

:) (:

"No," Naruto said as he leaned against the wall of the school, the birds fluttering around and singing happily in the background. It had taken Deidara and Haku ten minutes to get the courage to walk up to Naruto and his group and pull his cousin away from them. Of course, what actually happened was, that he and Haku were hiding behind one of the many trees, trying to force themselves to go and get Naruto, with their crushes sitting close by. Instead Naruto had texted them, asking why they were stalking him and Deidara just replied, 'SOS'. With those three letters, Naruto had quickly left the group and appeared before them, demanding who's ass he was going to kick. After explaining it wasn't that, Naruto had become confused until Deidara explained what they wanted to do.

"But Narutooooooo." Deidara whined.

"Deidaraaaaaaa," Naruto mimicked. "What exactly are you going to get out of changing yourself? I think you're cool the way you are."

"Naruto," Deidara said, holding a hand up and gesturing to himself, "we are geeks. As in, we can so kick butt in a pokemon battle but will so get our butts kicked in if anyone saw us playing pokemon."

"Look, I already had the word spread that if anyone messes with you two-"

"They deal with you first, we know." Deidara cut him off. "Though we are thankful for that and have more money in our pockets now, we are tired of being geeks."

"Geeks are hot." Naruto smirked, "Sasuke's a geek."

"But he's a popular geek." Deidara grumbled. "He's one of those smart, beautiful geeks that everyone loves. Haku and I are just..."

"So far down in the geek bucket, we can't even see the top of the container?" Haku supplied.

"Thank you Haku." Deidara replied sarcastically.

"Why not ask Ino?" Naruto asked.

"Ino will make fun of us. She's embarrased by us." Deidara explained. "I think it all started when we got into an elf battle with the enemy of our fantasy clan at the mall. She's hated us since then."

"Ooookayyyy." Naruto nodded, trying to find a way out. "Nagato's popular."

"Nagato's in college, on the otherside of the country."

"Pain?"

"We don't want to be in jail for knocking an old lady out for not recycling."

"Pain is all for save the world, isn't he?" Naruto chuckled, shrugging his broad shoulders. "What about..."

"You're it." Deidara stated, hands on his hip.

"Why me?"

"Why not?"

"Deidara, you and Haku are on a good road right now. You two have your heads straight and know what you want in life. If I start corrupting you, I have to deal with both of your parents and mine!"

"Naruto, please! You have to help us be bad-," looking around, Deidara leaned in close and cupped his mouth as he whispered. "-ass."

Doing the same, Naruto said, "How do you expect to be badass, if you can't say ass?"

"That's why you are going to teach us." Deidara blushed, wishing Haku would be his back up in this instead of standing there quietly. Come on, he shouted in his head, get a backbone Haku! This is our future on the line!

"Why should I teach you?" Naruto asked again, running a hand down his face in agitation.

"Because I covered for you four days ago. Remember? I told your parents you were studying with me and Haku when you went to that party."

"I remember I also flunked the test I should have been studying for and ended up grounded." Naruto pointed out with a crooked grin. The grin that just fit his cousin perfectly. If Naruto wasn't his cousin, Deidara would have so fallen for him. Naruto was tan, blonde, and hot. Standing at 6'2" and made like a god. Naruto wasn't the smartest kid alive but he wasn't stupid. He had become known as the 'kid your parents don't want you to date' when he got into five fights in his first three days of school. He drove a motorcycle that looked like it came out of a Fast and the Furious movie. So it was no wonder that a sixteen year old Sasuke had quickly made the blonde god his.

And Deidara and Haku both decided that they fit perfectly. Naruto: the tall bronzed hottie with a bad rep, and Sasuke: the petite graceful beauty with the perfect life. They were like a fairy tale.

"That doesn't matter, I still covered for you." Deidara pouted, crossing his arms.

"What will it take for you to help us?" Haku questioned, fiddling with the waist band of his shirt, stuffing it back in his pants and pulling it out before doing it again.

"Why do you two want to change? After years of being you, why go be something you're not?" Naruto asked them seriously, silencing his phone when it went off.

"Because...we want Itachi and Hidan to notice us." Deidara blushed. "We've been in love with them like forever and they don't even know our names."

"Hidan called me Daichi the other day." Haku said sadly. "I lent him a pencil and he said, 'thank you Daichi'."

"That bastard." Naruto narrowed his eyes, thinking of ways to torture his friend. "Wait until I-"

"You can't beat him up!" Haku said quickly. "I don't want him to not talk to me. I mean being called Daichi isn't that bad, right? He talked to me at least."

"Haku-"

"If you help us be bad...ass...Hidan will remember Haku's name." Deidara said quickly. "And Itachi will know I exist. Besides you are the best choice to help us."

"Why?"

"Because you are practically brothers with Hidan and Itachi's is Sasuke's older brother." Deidara said. "You're practically family!"

"First, Hidan is on my shit list for being an ass to Haku, second I'm on Itachi's shit list because he's pissed at me."

"What did you do to Itachi?" Deidara gaped, seeing his future fly away. The cracking of his heart could be heard for miles. He was going to grow up a lonely multi billionar wishing he had Itachi at his side. Oh the heartbreak...

"Sasuke's mad at me because I can't take him to that concert this Friday, because I'm grounded and so Itachi has decided to be pissed at me because his brother is." Naruto rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Haku said sincerly. "Maybe we can help with the concert?"

"Help?"

"We can help you study for your next test." Haku explained. "You can say you are studying with us, but go to the concert instead. This time though, you won't fail the test."

"You'll do that for me?" Naruto questioned in disbelief.

"We got you in trouble." Deidara sighed, already knowing Naruto wouldn't help them change. His cousin was right, being them was better then being fake. "It's the least we can do. And Sasuke won't be mad at you anymore."

"Deal."

"Deal?" Haku and Deidara said as one, completely confused.

"You guys help me and I'll help you."

"But what about being us is good and blah, blah, blah?" Deidara frowned, looking toward Haku and gaining a shrug in return.

"You will be you, but you'll also be new. I'll help you change your image so long as you don't become something you're not." Naruto grinned, pulling their smaller frames into his body. It was times like this that reminded both Deidara and Haku that they were, sadly, very short. Both of them barely making it passed 5'1". "It'll be like a make-over."

"Make-over?" Haku questioned fearfully.

"Don't worry, I have some people that know what they're doing and the best part is that you won't look like your last make-over." Naruto chuckled.

"You saw that?" Deidara asked as both he and Haku flushed bright red.

"Deidara, babe, everyone saw that. Ino has over a thousand friends on facebook. And those thousand have others." Naruto said.

"Do you think Itachi and Hidan saw it?"

"Possibly, but I doubt they put two and two together to get you two as the answer." Naruto said. "So what do you guys say to Friday?"

"Friday?"

"Yeah, before the concert. I'll have my friend, Fuka, get you guys dressed up and sexyfied. You'll be my dates." Naruto said.

"But I thought you were going with Sasuke?" Deidara frowned.

"Sasuke told me not to even bother talking to him for a while. Since Friday would have been our month or something anniversary. So until he's over his little snit, he's on his own."

"But won't he be mad if you show up with us?"

"Yes, but he should also know that I'm not a dog that does what he wants me to do. I'm not going to sit where he says or roll over when he commands. Besides, give me fifteen minutes with him Friday, and he'll be putty in my hands. I'll pull the 'I escaped out my window for you' card." Naruto said, walking them back toward the doors to enter the school. "Itachi and Hidan will be there."

"Fuka won't give us a perm, right?" Deidara finally said.

"Not in this lifetime."

"Done." Haku answered, a grin in place. With a good-bye to Naruto both Deidara and Haku headed toward their locker to get their bags. "Maybe this plan of yours might actually work."

"Like I said, trust me on this."


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

"'Sup, Uncle." Naruto grinned, slapping Inochi on the back hard enough to send the man stumbling.

"Naruto," Inochi grumbled with narrowed eyes, regaining his stance as he turned back to the plants needing watering. "What brings you here, nephew?" It kind of made him depressed standing by his nephew, who took after his youngest half brother, through his mom, in height. Minato, that lucky idiot, Inochi thought fondly of the man. Being the oldest, Inochi wondered why he was still the shortest one of the three. Kyuubi, the middle child also a half brother from his mother and step father, was a few inches taller then Minato and his kids, Nagato and Pain, both of which were also giants, made family get togethers depressing. It wasn't fair because his step father barely made it to Inochi's nose, and from Inochi remembered of his dad, before he passed, was that he had to bend down every time he entered a building. Even his own son, Deidara was short, at least his daughter was tall standing six inches taller then Deidara and the same height as him, now he was even more depressed.

"Not much, just here to kidnap my cousin and his best friend." Naruto answered, breaking Inochi out of his thoughts.

"Kidnap where?"

"Library. I need help studying." Naruto shrugged, showing the bag dangling from his arm. "I can't fail or my parents will kill me. This time I plan to pay attention to my favorite cousin tutoring me."

"I thought I was your favorite?" Ino questioned as she came out wearing a sundress and flip flops, a giant purse handing off her arm.

"You were last week. This week it's Dei." Naruto grinned. "So beautiful, where are you off to?"

"Sakura's. We're going to the mall so we'll be out late. Don't wait up Daddy." she called blowing them kisses and hoping in her car.

"How long are you going to be out?" Inochi questioned as he saw Deidara and Haku coming from the house, each carrying a bag and moving to Deidara's car, which he supposed they'd use because there was no way they'd all fit on Naruto's bike.

"I want to pass, so probably all night. I can't stay grounded any more. It's hell on the social life." Naruto grinned stopping Deidara in his tracks, "Deidara, I'm driving."

"Only if you promise not to speed." Deidara said freezing in his spot beside Haku.

"As if I would endanger your life." Naruto gasped hurtfully, taking the keys and getting behind the wheel, after he adjusted his seat. Waiting for the others to enter, he turned the car on and backed out of the driveway. When they were a few blocks away, he turned to Deidara and stomped on the gas.

"You lied to me!" Deidara screamed as he covered his eyes. Behind him, Haku kept his eyes closed and held onto his bag for dear life. "That's as bad as watching Yoda dying!"

"Babe, if you have a sports car, you have to speed." Naruto chuckled and then frowned, "What's a yoda?"

:) (:

"You can open your eyes now, we're here." Naruto laughed, turning to face his cousin and finding him as pale as a ghost.

"I believe I might vomit." Deidara got out faintly, unable to make his fingers let go of the dashboard or door handle.

"It's your car." Naruto shrugged, getting out and when neither of his two passengers seemed inclined to follow, he went around and opened both of their doors. Taking their bags he dumped them on the seat next to Haku and then cautiously pulled them out. "Take a breath."

"You almost hit that car." Haku whispered in shock, his eyes even wider then normal behind his glasses.

"He ran every red light and almost got us smashed by a semi!" Deidara yelled, glaring shakily at Naruto. "What kind of cousin are you?"

"One that loves you, now come on, Fuka wants to get started on you two." With an arm around each of them he headed toward the apartment on the second floor. Taking longer then it should have, with both of the smaller teens unable to walk up the steps, since both were still very shaken up. Naruto somehow ended up at Fuka's door, though he was sure he aged a few years, and found his female friend already waiting.

"It's about time." Fuka growled gesturing them inside. Once both Deidara and Haku were in the center of her living room. She circled them, with 'hmmm' and 'ohhh', and 'let's see' coming out of her mouth every few steps. "Calculaters? Pens? Pants that don't reach your ankles? How is that possible, you guys are like little people size!" she grumbled as she continued to circle around them.  
"She's making me dizzy." Haku whispered to Deidara as he pushed his glasses up.

"Me too." Deidara answered adjusting his own.

"I got it!" Fuka shouted making both of them jump. On the couch playing video games by himself, Naruto continued to ignore them. "I need Shion and Haruna...Maybe Sara...No not Sara, she'd go against me in everything I say. I should get Guren and Sasame, no not her either. Shion and Guren it is." she finally said as she pulled out her phone and began texting away. "Oh and Benten! He loves makeovers!"

Turning to look at eachother, both Haku and Deidara gulped. When they tried to sit, Fuka narrowed her eyes at them and then ordered them to strip.

"WHAT!" Deidara shouted as he flushed all over, holding his hands over his bits and pieces as if he was naked.

"We need to start bare, and they'll be here in a few minutes." Fuka stated. "I need you to get naked and then hope in the shower. We are getting rid of the nerd herd getup."

"Can't we just clean our faces and stuff?" Haku asked faintly.

"Oh honey, no you can't."

"Naruto?" Deidara said turning to his cousin and finding him cursing the game when he lost again. "Naruto!"

"Sure, yeah, whatever you want, babe." he answered distractedly as he started the level up again.

"Nerdy birdies," Fuka whispered between them, "a guy distracted by a game system is useless. Now do what I want and all will go according to plan. If you do not, then I will perm the hell out of you."

"Naruto clearly assured us that there would be no perm-" Haku started only to stop as Fuka clutched his lips between her fingers.

"Honey, I just felt like I was going to school for a second, and believe me, that's the last place I want to be. You have got to not talk like that." Fuka shook her head and waited for Haku to nod before releasing him. "Wonderful. Now I already have the image I want. When Shion gets here, she'll do your make-up. Benten will choose your clothes. I'll take care of your hair. Guren will do your nails. Do you have contacts?"

"N-no." Deidara answered, afraid to speak any louder in fear of his lips being stapled shut.

"Can you see without your glasses?"

"It's a bit fuzzy-"

"Good enough for me-they're here!" she shouted scarying both teens when she ran to her door, revealing three people with a few boxes and bags a piece. "Let's get started!"

Hours later, after being stripped, and screaming rape, both Haku and Deidara were washed and cleaned, sitting on two stools in pink bathrobs. Both of them were covered in green gunk and kept getting yelled at for eating the cucumbers. Their hair was in the process of being hair dried. Their feet were resting in, what Deidara assumed was water and soap but wasn't sure, Guren kept moving from both as she did their nails, complaining about how terrible they looked. Benten kept pulling out clothes for them only to toss them away and glare in disgust as he cursed them for being so out of date. Which neither Haku or Deidara understood since they all still had price tags on them.

"Loose, your face is one to be surrounded by hair, it begs to be framed. It'll scream mystery and seduction. Boys will be dying to dance with you tonight." Fuka said as she combed out Haku's hair. "And blondie will get partial loose, maybe a half pony tail, one eye covered. Sexy and flirty. What kind of shampoo do you guys use? Your hair is so silky and soft."

"Shampoo my dad buys?" Deidara answered questionly.

"I just buy whatever is cheapest." Haku shrugged and then flinched when Fuka tilted his head back and glared at him.

"No, no, no, we do not buy cheap. We buy name brands that work with your hair. Cheap leads to ugly, and ugly leads to all alone in the middle of a crap apartment on the side of the road."

"How?" Deidara frowned, jerking when Shion pulled his own hair back and blew hot air into his face with the hair dryer. "Ouch! _Mounopano_!"

"Deidara!" Haku gasped in shock as Deidara flushed but refused to apologise.

"I have no idea what you said, but if you say it again, you will not like the results." Shion answered pushing his head forward and drying his hair again.

"I found it!" Benten shouted, his manly voice so at odds with his look, as he pointed at two outfits on the kitchen table. "Deidara you're wearing this one and Haku gets this one!"

"That is perfect!" Fuka nodded happily moving over to the table. "Deidara is so made for t-shirts, skinny jeans, and are those DC's? Yes, I love it!"

"Will that go with his hair and make-up though?" Shion questioned.

"Yes, the styles I create go with everything!" Fuka said as she turned to the other pile. "Long sleeved t-shirt, perfectly fitting jeans, and PUMA sneakers in black. Yes, Haku this was made for you in mind. Now Benten, what jewerly are we putting on them?"

"For Deidara I was thinking a thin rope necklace with a small item at the bottom, like...this one!" Benten said holding up a necklace with a long black long diamond surrounded by two small shark like teeth to either side. "And for Haku, I was thinking of a simple chain that curves and carasses his neck, like this one! Oh and Deidara is getting these arm bands too! Simple yet eye catching." He snapped his fingers and thrust his hip to the side.

"Perfect! Now lets put everything together and get them ready. We have four hours to the concert and it's going to take that long to get them beautiful." Fuka clapped.

Four hours later, Deidara and Haku were exhausted. Both were slightly blind since their glasses were gone and hidden away, though they could still see, there was still a slightly fuzzy blur. Their clothes, they sadly learned, were tossed in the garbage and quickly covered with rotting food from the fridge. They were tingling all over from the sprays and lotions put on them and from the hair that was plucked away. Finally both were released from the bedroom to find Naruto half asleep on the couch.

"Naruto!" Fuka shouted when the blonde had yet to look up.  
"I'm awake!" Naruto shouted quickly as he turned and gaped at them, his mouth falling to the floor in shock.

"So?" Deidara blushed fiddling with his t-shirt.

"He's speechless, so you guys are as hot as they come." Benten said licking his finger and touching his butt, making a sizzling sound as he did so.

"Like Legolas hot?" Haku asked hopefully, would it be so bad to be as sexy as that hot elf? That elf was Haku's and Deidara's second dream husband, after Hidan and Itachi. He and Deidara had even dressed up as Elves for halloween and even named their fantasy elf clan after that sexy man. They had even fought over a poster of him, but decided that both should have custody of said poster, going back and forth to eachother's houses every other month.

"Uh, sure..." Shion nodded quickly as she side whispered to Guren, "Who's Legolas?"

"Who knows, but if they like him, let them be." Guren answered as she continued to smile.

"Well?" Fuka asked when Naruto had yet to say anything to their new looks. What could he say? Both of them were hot! Like burn yourself on a fire hot. Or drink burning coffee off the pot hot. Or scubba diving in a volcano hot. Or sunbathing on the sun hot. They were so hot that Fuka was starting to sweat.

"Wow." Naruto finally said as he got up slowly. "If we weren't related and if I wasn't dating Sasuke, I'd so be after you two."

"And that means my job is done." Fuka nodded as she wiped at her eyes. "Now Naruto, go and show off my masterpieces. I feel like a proud mama. Where's my tissue?"

"While she cries, you two, let's head out of he-"

"Naruto take your shirt off and put this one on." Benten ordered as Shion and Guren consuled Fuka. "Take those shoes off and replace them with these. Put this jacket over...I was right leather is so you."

"It's going to be like a hundred degrees!" Naruto whined.

"Well you'll look sexy while you sweat." Benten waved him off as he ushered them to the door. "Now good luck you two, those lover boys of yours are sure to fall fast."

"Wh-what?" Deidara gasped as Haku blushed, looking as sexy as Benten knew they would.

"Baby cakes, me and my duckies know everything. It's how we roll, now just wait until you see both Itachi and Hidan in v-neck t-shirts. They are to die for, I'm already biting my knuckles. Ta-ta!"

Next thing they knew, the door was slammed in their face and Naruto was ushering toward the car.

"Naruto?"

"Yeah Dei?"

"I think I feel sick." Deidara said.

"I feel blind." Haku said from the back seat. "I miss my glasses."

"Fuka's ordering you guys contacts. Until then, you two are going to be blind." Naruto chuckled. "Deidara?"

"Yeah?"

"What does _mounopano_ mean?"

"Naruto!" Haku and Deidara gasped in shock.

"What? What did I say?"

**A/N: mounopano- ladies sanitary pad. **


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

Deidara gaped at the amount of people in the parking lot, even more still arriving. The majority of the people seemed intent on staying in said parking lot, resting and dancing on cars. When he asked Naruto why that was, his cousin only laughed at him. Apparently, to what Deidara was understanding, people didn't come to see bands play in the open field, but to socialize and be seen. And what better place to be seen then a parking lot...yeah he still didn't get it. He couldn't quite grasp that. Why go somewhere if not to listen to music?

"Naruto, everything is so blurry. What if I trip over something I can't see?" Haku asked squinting his eyes as he held onto the back of Naruto's shirt, the jacket left behind in the car.

"I thought you said your eyesight wasn't that bad?" Naruto answered back.

"It's not, I can see but there is a bit of fuz-"

"Then that's okay. So long as you can see, you're good." Naruto answered, turning slightly to put an arm around Haku's shoulders and then doing the same to Deidara. "Guys I got a plan."

"What?"

"Listen," Naruto grinned, stopping them so that they were turned toward him. "I know for a fact that Sasuke is here waiting for me."

"What do you mean?" Deidara asked feeling confused as well as self conscious over his new look. He felt so out of place and unlike himself. It wasn't a bad feeling, but at least before he knew what it was people were seeing. Now he was lost and everybody was staring. Well, he thought they were, he couldn't really tell. All he could see were heads facing their way or maybe they were looking their way but not looking at them. Or were they looking at them? Oh Stan Lee, he was like the sun, and they the planets! So this was what the sun felt like...

"Kiba texted me a bit ago and said that he saw Sasuke here with Itachi and Hidan." Naruto grinned as both blushed, "And he said that Suigetsu, Sasuke's ex, is also here-"

"When did they date?" Haku frowned. "I thought you were Sasuke's first boyfriend?"

"No, he's the only boyfriend we know about because we know Naruto." Deidara explained. "For all we know, the whole school can be dating eachother and we wouldn't know because other peoples lives are boring."

"But we're not dating anyone so how is that at all possible?" Haku's frown deepened.

"Besides us-"

"Anyway," Naruto went on, nodding toward someone calling his name. "Apparently, from what Gaara told me, Sasuke and Suigetsu broke up after four days of dating and that me and Sas-"

"Sasuke and I," Haku corrected.

"Right...we began going out a week after they split. And Suigetsu is still hung up on Sasuke. So like I was saying, Suigetsu is here and hanging around Sasuke right now, trying to get his attention and all. For the most part Sasuke has been ignoring him and pretending to boredly people watch."

"I don't get it." Deidara said after a while.

"He's looking for me and what I can figure is that when he spots me in the crowd he's going to give Suigetsu the attention he has been denying him." Naruto explained. "Trying to make me jealous."

"But I thought Sasuke didn't know you were coming?" Haku frowned.

"I told him I couldn't come but everyone knows I never miss anything fun." Naruto grinned. "So he knows I'm here, or will be here sometime tonight. He just doesn't know when or where I'd be. So I plan to find him first, let him see me and then give me the show he's dying to give."

"But...I still don't get it." Deidara said causing Naruto to roll his eyes. "What if he's flirting with Suigetsu now?"

"He won't. If he was I'd hear about it and Sasuke and I are over. I don't play second to anyone." Naruto said. "But knowing Sasuke, I won't have to worry about it."

"Okay...go on with your plan." Deidara nodded.

"Once he gives me his show, I'll pull you two out of nowhere...no, no, no, you two are going to bump into me when I give you the signal, then I'll turn and begin flirting with you two. He'll see and get pissed. Then I'll drag you two off to dance-"

"I fail to see how this plan of yours-"

"Deidara, let me finish." Naruto grinned, holding a hand over Deidara's mouth. "Sasuke will get jealous, because he's Sasuke and jealousy goes hand in hand with him. I'll make sure to let Itachi and Hidan catch a glimps of you two. They'll offer to help by separating me from you guys and then Sasuke will come out of no where, give me the look that lets me know he's pissed but he'll then make sure that I remember I'm his boyfriend by grinding up against me and making-out. As in, very heavy making-out to make sure people know I'm taken."

"I could have gone without the mental image." Deidara glared.

"I could deepen it for you-"

"NO!" Haku and Deidara shouted together before forcing a grin. "I mean," Deidara went on, "no...need to. We've all seen movies." he added with a blush as he thought about a certain movie that he secretly watched when no one was around. Of course it wasn't porn, but there was some...naughty scenes in there and the main actor was goregous. Could people blame him for watching it?

"What do movies-never mind. So are you ready to put this plan into action?" Naruto asked.

"Why would Hidan and Itachi take us away?" Haku asked moving to fix his glasses in place before realizing he didn't have his glasses on.

"One; because Sasuke is Itachi's little brother and two; because you guys are hot."

"Oh..." Haku and Deidara blushed again.

"Okay," Naruto went on, "come on. Kiba told me they'd be near the giant tree near the water. When we get closer, I'm going to slow you guys down and pretend to look for him. I'll let him spot me first and get the show he's been dying to give me. Then I'll pretend to look slightly angry, because Sasuke will never let it go if I wasn't, and look around as if I want to hit someone. When I do that, you two will walk up, pretend like you're into whatever you're talking about and bump into me. We'll be all surprised and then I'll glance over at Sasuke, send him that smirk that drives him crazy-"

"You have oddly thought this all out." Haku stated suspiciously.

"-then he'll push Suigetsu away and glare at you two, making you both his biggest enemies. Itachi will notice first, then Hidan. Knowing Itachi, he'll be the one to want to help out and Hidan will quickly follow...and I'm making this up as I go, knowing that will happen as I said it would. Now come on." with that, Naruto grabbed their wrist gently and began leading them off.

After twenty five minutes and thirty two seconds, all of which Deidara was silently counting to ignore the crowd as best as he could as he told himself to imagine them as fellow elves in his clan, Naruto spotted Sasuke and told them to wait. Clutching onto Haku's hand tightly, in fear of being pulled away from his best friend, he narrowed his eyes and watched as Naruto casually walked forward and looked around. He fuzzily saw the way Naruto paused and seem to be taking something in. Following his gaze he briefly made out what he assumed was Sasuke, but couldn't be sure. The next thing he knew, Haku was pulling him forward. "What?"

"Naruto's looking around." Haku explained. "That's our signal to go to him, remember?"

"Oh, I...Okay." Deidara nodded. "So what do we talk-ouch!" he groaned when he ran, nose first, into Naruto's shoulders. "My nose!" he grumbled as he looked up to find Naruto grinning down at him.

"I meant run into me, but not face first." Naruto chuckled as he placed an arm around him and Haku. "Come on, Sasuke's glaring and Itachi is now looking. Keep walking."

"What happens now?" Deidara asked, wiggling his nose and finding nothing wrong.

"Now they follow us." Naruto answered. "Okay Deidara, this is a little game I like to call 'Ignore'."

"Ignore?"

"Yes," Naruto nodded, "Itachi always has people throwing themselves at him. So don't. When he talks to you, looks at you, anything at you, do all that you can to ignore him."

"I can't ignore Itachi!" Deidara shouted. "Everytime we are in the same air space, I get all flushy and sweaty. My hands get clammy and I can't breathe. My stomach-"

"I saw this car the other day," Haku started bring both pairs of eyes to him, one in confusion and the other in growing boredom. "I think the engine was... and there is boredom." he finished.

"How did you do that?" Naruto asked in disblief as Deidara looked beyond bored, eyes dazed and empty. Face showing clearly how much he was no longer part of this world.

"Anything about a vehicle sends him into this." Haku explained when Deidara had yet to move.

"How do we get him out of...this?"

"John Carter."

"That movie is so retarded! I can't believe I paid money to go and see it!" Deidara shouted suddenly, making both of them jump. "Remember that part-"

"Deidara!" Haku gasped, "Don't spoil it for non watchers! What if Naruto hasn't seen it!"

"Oh no, I almost broke the first rule! Naruto I'm so sorry!" Deidara said looking distressed. "I almost ruined a really stupid movie for you! I mean I was bored with the first scene! How could Disney think that a-"

"Deidara!"

"I'm sorry again!" Deidara apologised again, "But don't torture yourself with the movie, cause in the first scene-"

"Deidara!" Haku shouted again, stamping his hand over his mouth.

"Sorry," Deidara said again, when Haku moved his hand.

"No worries, Dei!" Naruto said quickly waving it away, "You didn't say anything and Joe Carver-"

"John Carter," Haku corrected.

"-is still a mystery-here comes Itachi." Naruto said. "I'm thinking about painting my bike another color."

"No, you're doing it wrong." Haku said, "Talk about what's inside of it."

"Oh, so I was thinking of fixing up the engine. There's this part I need...wow that is amazing." Naruto said in shock as Deidara once again went far, far, far away.

"I know...Naruto what do I do about Hidan?" Haku asked as he began to make out Itachi's form coming closer and right behind him was, if he was wrong then someone steal his Yu-Gi-Oh cards, but not his black magician because that was his favorite one in the show and in his own deck, Hidan.

"You are going to giggle and flirt with me."

"What? I don't know how to flirt-stop!" Haku began to giggle when Naruto started to tickle him. Squealing again, he tried to move away only to find Naruto's arms around him. "Naruto! Stop! That tickles!"

"You have a cute laugh." Naruto said suddenly, allowing Haku to breathe. "Very pretty eyes too. Why haven't I ever noticed"

"Wh-what?" Haku whispered as he met Naruto's surprised gaze with his own confused.

"I-"

"Naruto, what up bastard?" Hidan asked out of nowhere, slapping him on the back hard enough for both of them to stumble.

"Wh-oh, hey." Naruto said quickly straighting both his and Haku's bodies to face the other two. The odd look that passed through his eyes being replaced with the easy laughter they always held.

"Naruto, who is this?" Itachi asked suddenly, his eyes glued to Deidara's vacant expression.

"That's Deidara and this is Haku." Naruto answered gesturing to both.

"Hello, Deidara." Itachi said smiling the smile that made everyone fall for him, only to frown when Deidara made no move to acknowledge him. Though it kind of annoyed him, he found he liked it. "I'm Itachi." He went on when Deidara still made no move to look at him. Instead the gorgeous blonde continued to look beyond bored at his presence. "I know the concert isn't all that interesting. It's the people...I find them a bore myself..." still nothing. Man this Deidara was becoming hotter with each second. "Do you want something to drink?...Or not, you know, their drinks aren't all that good." Itachi said, moving closer to the uninterested blonde that was slowly driving Itachi crazy with want. "You hungry, there's some...how about dancing...no, okay, that's cool, dancing is overrated anyway...do you just want to stand here? Cool, me too." Itachi nodded now completely absolutly in love. How could one person be so hot!

"Pleasure, Haku. I'm Hidan." Hidan grinned suddenly as he bowed dramatically toward the raven still under Naruto's arms.

"H-hi." Haku whispered blushing brightly as turned his gaze away shyly.

"So do you live around here?"

Haku nodded unsure of what else to do. He never imagined the day he'd actually have all of Hidan's attention on him. He dreamed of it...of course his dreams always went R-rated after they'd get together. But the thought of getting intimate with Hidan in real life was, yes exciting, but very scary and unnerving. What does someone do when the love of their lives is talking to them?

"Really..." Hidan said, trying to figure out a way to make Haku look at him. Haku had to have been the sexiest guy he had ever seen. Just looking at him made him want to find a corner some where and get to know him more. "Care to dance?"

"Dance?" Haku blinked in shock, turning to look at Naruto when Hidan reached for his hand.

"Yeah...dance." Naruto said nodding quickly and pushing him gently. "Have fun."

"I...okay." Haku nodded and let himself be lead away.

"Naruto," Sasuke said behind his boyfriend, arms crossed as he glared at the other raven that held Naruto's complete attention.

"Hm?" Naruto hummed not even looking away from Hidan and the other unknown person that dared try and take Naruto from him.

"Naruto!" Sasuke snapped, reaching out to tug Naruto's arm and forcing him to turn toward him. Placing his hands on Naruto's chest, he wrapped one leg around one of Naruto's thigh. With out waiting for Naruto to say anything, he reached up one hand and pulled his boyfriend's head down. With a glare in place he brought Naruto's mouth to his own as he moved his body forcefully against the other, creating a dance between them that Naruto quickly began to follow. Pulling Naruto's tongue into his mouth, he showed his boyfriend why he'd be the one for the blonde and not some unknown long haired raven.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

**Look toward profile/bio for disclaimer and anything else involving this story.**

"Dad!" Deidara called from his room the next morning as he got ready to head toward the library, or was in the process of getting ready to head out. The concert no longer a concern in his mind since he remembered nothing but hearing Naruto go on and on about cars, ugh, how boring.

How was he supposed to lure Itachi into his...trap? Web? What was he luring him into? Oh well it didn't matter since he didn't even talk to him. What was worse was that when he realized he was supposed to talk to Itachi, he was already in the car with Haku blushing and giggling like crazy as he talked about Hidan and dancing. Naruto didn't drive home with them since he went home with Sasuke. But that didn't make Deidara any less mad. Naruto's plan didn't even work! Itachi never talked to him and Deidara didn't even get to dance with him! Not that he would have since he had two left feet and his arms could not figure out where to be. The only dance move he knew was twirling like a ballerina and that's because when he was little, both he and Haku wanted to be in ballet but their dads wanted them to be in sports, where they was always knocked over and looked over.

Being short sucked.

"Dad!" he called louder when his father had yet to come.

"What?" came the reply from the kitchen.

"Dad, someone broke in and stole my stuff! Call 911 and report the thief of my Star Trek uniform! Hurry before they get away with it!"

"Son, what in the world are you talking-"

"Oh Stan Lee! They stole my Jedi uniform too! And my shirts! My slacks are gone! So are my shoes! Tell them they replaced them with other stuff and-"

"Oh your closet, right?" his dad said coming into the room. "You're barely noticing that?"

"What do you mean!"

"Deidara this stuff was brought in yesterday a few hours after you went to help Naruto study." aka the day of the concert. "I'm surprised you didn't see it yesterday. To be honest, I like these clothes more. Don't get me wrong, your other stuff was...cool, but this is hip."

"You know I do not enter this closet unless it's morning!" Deidara cried as he fiddled with his spare glasses, not even bothering to get into his dad's choice of words. Who said hip? He was a geek and he didn't even say hip! "Dad what happened? Where's my stuff!"

"Your friends came over and said they brought you some stuff. Then they took boxes out and that was that-"

"What if they stole my collection of-okay it's still there." Deidara sighed as he knelt by his bed and spotted the boxes filled with his greatest collections. Action figures, cards, games, and the likes being said prized possesions along with a picture of Itachi that he had taken when he was on the yearbook staff. Of course it was the only copy and Itachi was shirtless, having just played a game of basketball. Hot! "Who did this?"

"Well it was three girls and a guy that I thought was a girl but spoke like a guy...or maybe it was a girl that spoke like a guy..."

"Naruto!"

"No, I'm sure it wasn't Naruto-"

"Dad, go away, I need to call Haku. Important stuff." Deidara said reaching for his phone, the color of Yoda that had only ringers from Starwars. "Haku, this is code red!"

"They robbed you too!" Haku shouted, on the verge of a panic attack. "My clothes are gone and replaced with something else! I'm too embarrased to look at it!"

"Me too!" Deidara screeched, ignoring Ino's 'shut up people like to sleep in, you know!'. "Oh Stan Lee, what am I going to wear now! They even took my elf clothes!"

"That's not all!" Haku sniffled. "They stole Legolas!"

"WHAT!"

"And left a note that said, 'we agree, he is hot' and then 'don't mind me boys, I'm going to borrow him. Love Benten'!" Haku cried. "What do we do!"

"This means war!" Deidara declared, before switching his words around. "Haku, place thou garmet of power upon thy shoulders and fight beside me my broth-"

"They took my cloak!" Haku growled.

"Oh yeah...Let's call Naruto."

"_Methusai_!" Haku snapped at Naruto's name, shocking Deidara into silence, since his best friend never cursed. "Hades take those that which took from me!"

"...Haku..." Deidara gasped, "You have got to lay off the muffins for breakfast!"

"...I know." Haku sighed. "I'll be at your house in ten minutes. I need to find pants that don't mold my butt."

"Okay, me too."

:) (:

"So this is bad?" Naruto questioned as he sat on Deidara's bed, looking amused instead of devistated as Deidara wanted him to when he was told the news.  
"Yes!" Deidara said. "They stole our stuff."

"I like your new stuff better."

"But they stole our costumes." Haku pouted. "Now we will be the laughing stock in our elf clan and the comic conventions. Not to mention-"

"I'll talk to them and get them back or have them make you new ones." Naruto said quickly when Haku's eyes watered up. For some reason, that Deidara couldn't figure out, Naruto was sitting a little closer to his best friend, his eyes never looking away from Haku for longer then a second. What was up with him?

Shaking it off as something else he wouldn't understand he said, "They stole our fantasy elf!"

"Fantasy elf?" Naruto frowned. "What's that?"

"Legalos!" Haku said, bringing up a picture on his phone, "This elf was a poster that both Deidara and I had custody of."

"You think this guy is hot?" Naruto said, pouting slightly as he took the phone. "He's not that hot." he went on childishly. "I could take him."

"Please, he'd shoot you with an arrow before you could blink." Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Naruto glared slightly, handing the phone back to Haku. "So you think elves are hot?"

"Not elves, elf, as in just this one." Haku clarified as he went all dreamy eyed at the picture on his phone, which Deidara also had a copy of.

"What about Hidan?"

"Hidan is also very dreamy." Haku grinned stupidly as he blushed and sighed. "He's a good dancer."

"I'm better." Naruto stated.

"Okay." Haku nodded.

"Who cares, can you get our stuff back?" Deidara asked, deciding that Naruto's weirdness was not something he cared for.

"Hold on," his fellow blonde said as he dialed a number. "Benten-yeah thats-I see...So-Oh, gottcha...well they will bu-not going to happen? What about the-what do you mean no? No, I know what it means-" moving the phone away from his mouth, Naruto said, "Benten says they burned your clothes and not to bother getting more because they'd burn it again. And he wants to keep your poster. Says he's in love."

"NO!" both Haku and Deidara shouted together. On the other side of the line they heard Benten shout 'Yes!'

"That's ours! It was the last one! They don't even make them anymore!" Deidara shouted, taking the phone. "Listen _wo_man! Give it back or so help me-"

"You're going to attack me with numbers?" Benten cut him off, "Please ducky, numbers is my game. I use numbers to decide if the money is worth spending everyday."

"Give us back the elf." Deidara got out angrily.

"No."

"You have brought war upon you." Deidara declared.

"I'm so scared...Legalos says hi." Benten said before he hung up, completely missing the screech that made people go deaf.

:) (:

"Are you okay?" Naruto asked cautiously as they sat just outside the library, books spread out before them. On one side, Deidara sat by himself, glaring at the math book that normally made him happy. On the otherside, Haku sat next to Naruto, the latter sitting a little closer then necessary as he asked Haku questions that were common sense to a dumb person!

"No." Deidara got out.

"Okay, so Haku can you-"

"Naruto, funny meeting you here." turning to who spoke, both Haku and Deidara blushed brightly when they caught sight of Sasuke, Itachi, and Hidan walking toward them, both of their crushes with books in hand. Books that looked oddly similar to the ones Naruto had.

"It sure is," Naruto answered as he slid farther from Haku when Hidan sat between them, his attention all on Haku. "Almost as shocking as me telling you where I was ten minutes ago." he mumbled, before turning to grin at his glaring boyfriend now sitting in his lap. "'Sup baby?"

"Hn." Sasuke said before kissing him, his eyes narrowed in Haku's direction, not that the other knew that he was being glared at.

"Yeah whatever, so Haku, I heard you tutor." Hidan grinned.

"Uhhhh, um, I...yeah." Haku finally got out, flushing.

"Cool, cool, so did you barely move to our school? What's your schedual? Do you have a date for next Friday?"

On the otherside of the table, Deidara sat frozen stiff, Itachi watching him with an expression Deidara had never had directed at him.

"Hey." Itachi drawled out in his sexy velvet voice, resting his head on his fist, as he continued to smile at him.

What should he do?

"I see you're doing school work." Itachi said again, moving a little closer.

Should he nod? Should he turn to him?

"I'm also doing school work." Itachi went on putting his book on the table and opening up to a random page. How was he doing school work? The book was upside down and on the step by steps for how to do the problems.

"You like nature?"

What? "Huh?" Deidara got out in confusion, turning to meet Itachi's dark gaze.

"Huh what?"

"Huh what what?"

"Huh what what what?"

Okay so his crush was a little slow. It's okay, everyone had their moments...OH MY ELF! He was having a converstation with Itachi Uchiha! Thee Itachi Uchiha who was every ones wet dreams!

"I'm not sure what we're going on about anymore." Itachi finally said, the smile still in place, "But so long as you keep talking, I'm okay with it."

"O...kay." Deidara said finally as Itachi moved a little closer.

"Want to be my boyfriend?" Itachi asked with one of those odd grins that didn't belong on his face. What was going on-boyfriend! Oh...before Deidara could think beyond that, he fainted.

**A/N: Methusai- old woman, meant as an insult for a man **


End file.
